Saturday, May 3, 2008

urgency...




i don't know what's been going on with me lately but i've been feeling this strange sense of urgency. about what? do you really want to know? there is a side of me that most people see. the easy-going side, the funny side, the tired side, the sweet side, the procrastinator side. the short side. okay, everyone sees that side. but then there is a side of me that only a few people see. i don't know that i would consider it my "dark" side but definitely a deeper side. it is the over-thinking, over-worrying, over-stressing side.

and this urgency that i've been feeling, i question whether it is promptings from the Spirit, or just my crazy, tucked down, kept-in-the-vault side of me that is pushing to the surface.

let me explain.

for the past several months, pre-rice & wheat shortage (or knowledge of it anyway), i have felt the urgency to really get this food storage thing set up. i know i know, for YEARS we have been told by the general authorities to get our year's supply. and for most of those years i can come up with a valid excuse as to why i put it off. that doesn't make it right i know. but lately whenever it's brought up in church or by a family member, i feel this little ...tug, for lack of a better word. just this thought that goes through my mind "we REALLY need to get going on that." and the thought never leaves, it just sits in the back of my mind & comes out every now & then.

there have also been a couple of people close to me...and ones i consider very spiritually "in tune" people...who have talked to me about dreams they have had & the urgency they felt to get food storage in order. it impressed them enough to want to share it with me.

i watched "the kite runner" tonight, a beautiful & sad movie about a man who is trying to find redemption for past mistakes. the book is better (of course) but also more graphic when it comes to a couple of very difficult scenes. after the movie, i walked upstairs to take a shower & instead of thinking about the true moral of the movie, i started to think about the history of afghanistan. in the movie it spans over around a 20 year time frame & in that time the country is turned upside down. and that is what i started thinking, as i stared at my face in the mirror. all of these questions entered my mind.

will there come a day when i can't remember the last time i looked in the mirror because i no longer owned one?

will there come a day when i don't even care that i don't own a mirror because the last thing i care about is how i look?

as i was in the shower, i watched the hot water stream down and thought,

will there come a time when i can't remember the last time i took a shower?

will i ever feel regret for being so wasteful with my water supply?

as i peek in on my beautiful little boy sleeping safely in his bed my mind really takes off & the questions start to make me feel completely unsettled.

will there come a day when i cannot feed my crying, starving child?

there are a few movies that have touched me deeply. i can remember a couple of them right now. hotel rwanda & schindler's list. i remember watching schindler's list on t.v. & feeling my heart shatter into a million pieces as the ending came & this man, who had sacrificed so much to save so many, pulled out a pen from his coat & sobbed as he asked out loud how many more people he could have saved with it.

will there come a day for me, when i look at how much money i have spent on worldly, unnecessary things & wish for those days again so i could have made better choices? you think of 20 years passing & our country being turned upside down. i would be 47 & my little boy would be 22.

there are books that stay with me. "the hiding place" comes to my mind. again i am terrified at just how quickly the schemes of one evil & deranged man can affect so many in such a short period. the holocaust is a frightening & horrific time to just try to comprehend, i can't even begin to imagine what it was like to actually experience.

we read these books & watch these movies & hope that history will not...cannot, repeat itself. but we know deep down that it can. because it has so many times. it happens more times than i can count in the book of mormon, in the bible.

we are promised that if we are prepared then we shall not fear. and so that is what we will do. prepare. ben & i are planning on taking that check from the government that we are supposed to get & put it into food storage. it's intimidating to think of how much it will cost, how much space it will take up, how big of a project it will be, how it will probably be a huge pain to move. but i'm hoping that when it is done, that little voice in my head that keeps whispering urgently to me will be at peace.

if any of you who are reading feel this is something you need to get going on too, here is the link to "provident living" where you can order & have it shipped directly to your home. what is easier than that?? there is a starter kit with recipes and everything for $25.95.

and to leave this with some hope instead of just fear & worry, here are some passages from President Hinckley's talk, "If Ye Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear"

"Man’s inhumanity to man expressed in past and present conflict has and continues to bring unspeakable suffering."

What we have experienced in the past was all foretold, and the end is not yet. Just as there have been calamities in the past, we expect more in the future. What do we do?

Someone has said it was not raining when Noah built the ark. But he built it, and the rains came.

The Lord has said, “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30).
We have built grain storage and storehouses and stocked them with the necessities of life in the event of a disaster. But the best storehouse is the family storeroom. In words of revelation the Lord has said, “Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing” (D&C 109:8).

Our people for three-quarters of a century have been counseled and encouraged to make such preparation as will assure survival should a calamity come.

We can set aside some water, basic food, medicine, and clothing to keep us warm. We ought to have a little money laid aside in case of a rainy day.

Now what I have said should not occasion a run on the grocery store or anything of that kind. I am saying nothing that has not been said for a very long time.

I have faith, my dear brethren, that the Lord will bless us, and watch over us, and assist us if we walk in obedience to His light, His gospel, and His commandments. He is our Father and our God, and we are His children, and we must be in every way deserving of His love and concern. That we may do so is my humble prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."