my talk on testimonies

Good morning, we are the Strader family. We moved here from Utah, both of our families from the Fruit Heights/Kaysville area. We went to high school together and were friends but nothing more than that…although I’m pretty sure Ben would have liked to be. I played hard to get until a little over 5 years ago when I said “yes” to Ben’s proposal to spend the rest of our lives together. I am still convinced it is the best decision I have made in my life so far. We are now managing the residential treatment facility, a.k.a., the “group home.” For those of you who don’t know what that is, we live with 4 teenagers who are….spirited. They live in our home & we help them through rough times by teaching them the skills they need in order to hopefully go back home to live with their families & to be successful in life. I would like to talk about some things I have learned since I have been working in this job:

• That being on a first-name basis with the Durham County police officers is a good thing
• Many creative uses for brooms, bamboo sticks, crutches, & lacrosse sticks
• How to convince a determined teenager running down the street at break-neck speed to “just get into the van & come home”
• How to explain that it may not be the most “appropriate” thing to ask Elder Bednar for his autograph at church
• That the tantrums of a 2 year old are a whole lot easier than the tantrums of an angry teenager
• That hearing the words “I’m sorry” or “I miss you guys” can be one of the most rewarding things in the world
• The true meaning of “unconditional love”
• How to acquire the ability to see these kids as our Heavenly Father sees them
• That the common term “strengthening my testimony” can come in unexpectedly difficult ways
• Most importantly, I have learned, yet again, that I have a testimony that Heavenly Father loves me, is guiding me, & knows what I am going through.


We were asked to speak on “testimonies” & specifically to read the conference talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks from this last conference session. As I read it, my mind continued to reflect back on this past year & to think about experiences that have helped my testimony to grow. I’d like to share one of those personal experiences:

Back in January, after a really rough few days at the home, I turned to Ben and asked him, “Now remind me why we’re here again?” I told him I needed a pep talk to get me through the last 6 months because I felt I really couldn’t make it through another day. Ben & I talked for a few minutes but I still wasn’t convinced that I shouldn’t start booking plane tickets back to Utah. We knelt down to say our nightly prayer as a couple, and as Ben began to pray, it was like someone had pushed the “mute” button on his voice. Suddenly words from my patriarchal blessing began filling my head. The words “you will have countless opportunities to teach the youth,” “you will be an example to the youth, “ and “you will have an affect on the youth inside and outside of the church” entered my mind. I felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that at that very moment, in my life, I was fulfilling part of my mission here on earth. It was one of the most overwhelming feelings I have ever felt. I began to cry because I knew that Heavenly Father had listens to my prayers, knows who I am and loves me.

When Ben finished praying, he could see that I was crying and immediately asked, “What did I say wrong??” I answered him, “I got my pep talk, but it wasn’t from you. Here’s to the next 6 months!”

This experience again solidified my testimony that God knows me as an individual & that he is a living Heavenly Father who loves me. When I told my co-worker that we were speaking on “testimonies” she asked me what the word meant. So what is a testimony? The best way I know how to describe it is “a spiritual truth that you learn through God.” As I was struggling in this job to keep my head above water, I received an answer to my prayers through the Holy Ghost who manifested to my mind & heart that my Heavenly Father is mindful of me. It was just thoughts that entered my mind, but because I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost at the same time, it changed from being “just thoughts” to a “testimony” as I was revealed a spiritual truth.

Elder Oaks refers to a “worldly” truth as “scientific proof” like when you are able to test cold temperature outside. But when it comes to spiritual truths, the Apostle Paul said, “The things of God knoweth no man, but by the Spirit of God.” This just answered part of the question, “How do I gain a testimony?” It is by the Spirit of God and by the Holy Ghost telling us in our minds and hearts what is true. Just like we are told in Moroni’s promise, “God will manifest the truth of all things unto us by the power of the Holy Ghost.” But that is only the first part of gaining a testimony.

Elder Oaks stated that, “…acquiring a testimony is not a passive thing but a process in which we are expected to do something.” To gain a testimony it requires first the desire to have the spiritual knowledge, then the action. That is when prayer, scripture study, fasting, church attendance & temple attendance come in. In the middle of a trial, if we choose to stop being obedient, how do we expect to be able to hear the Holy Ghost? When I was struggling, if I hadn’t been following the commandments, would I have still felt the Holy Ghost testify to me? And if I hadn’t had that moment of spiritual thoughts & testimony building, would I have just given up on this job? It makes me wonder and also tells me that in order to gain a testimony we need to be obedient to living a life that is in correspondence to how our Heavenly Father wants us to live. Then it requires prayer & study.

So what do we do once we have gained that testimony? Sit quiet & hope that people will know what we believe just by looking at us? It’s true that being an example is a very big part of sharing our testimonies with others who are not of our faith. In our job we know that these kids in our homes may not ever remember what we told them or taught them. But we pray that at the end of it all, they will remember what we stood for, the type of people we were, & how we treated them. And if I can give them a glimpse of how much I know that Heavenly Father loves me & that he loves them just as much then that would be the more important than anything else that I can teach them…even more important than teaching them not to scream curse words at me in public. But just being an example is not enough anymore.

Elder Oaks clearly stated, “that those who have a testimony of the restored gospel also have a duty to share it.”

One of my favorite parts of Elder Oaks’ talk was when he said,

“There has never been a greater need for us to profess our faith, privately and publicly. Though some profess atheism, there are many who are open to additional truths about God. To these sincere seekers, we need to affirm the existence of God the Eternal Father, the divine mission of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the reality of the Restoration. We must be valiant in our testimony of Jesus. Each of us has many opportunities to proclaim our spiritual convictions to friends and neighbors, to fellow workers, and to casual acquaintances.”

This is why I have shared such a personal experience with you, a room full of people who just might be searching for the same answers that I was that night. There might be someone here today who has been struggling & praying to know that we have a mindful father in heaven who loves you just as much as he loves me. I know that he knows who we are as individuals & is with us & has been with us every step of the way during our lives. I pray that as I am saying these words the Holy Ghost is testifying this truth to you as he did to me a few months ago.

As I close my talk about testimonies, I will continue to share my own. I know that my life has been blessed by being here these past 9 months. I know that I have been pushed harder emotionally, challenged more mentally and blessed more spiritually. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he saw and spoke to Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ in the grove. I have prayed and gained my own testimony of his experience. I also have prayed for a knowledge of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I know that it is another testament of Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus is my Savior, that he died on the cross & that he was resurrected. I know that through his atonement I can one day return to see my Heavenly Father again. I am grateful for this ward & its leaders, for my family & for all of my blessings. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

ps--here is elder oak's full talk

the power to change.

The power to change is very real, and it is a great spiritual gift from God.



today's lesson relief society was on the talk elder faust had been preparing for the october conference before he passed away. as i read the words of this humble man i tried to close my eyes & picture hearing his voice speak them. i loved some of the thoughts of other sisters who added a different perspective of the lesson.

we spoke mostly about humility, that that is what is the first step to change. and i thought about how in this life, we are sometimes afraid of change. we are afraid of the unknown, of the trials change could bring, of getting out of our comfort zone.

while working with the kids here at the group home, almost every single one of them has said, "STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!" they get very defiant in the beginning of their treatment here. they say that the skills we work on with them are "dumb" or that they don't "need" them. but we let them know that the way to show us you don't "need them" is by showing us you know how to "use" them. (the skills we start with, BTW, are following directions, accepting consequences, accepting a "no" answer and disagreeing appropriately). obviously these kids have ended up here in our home for a reason. most of the time, they feel they are there because of someone else's problem. and isn't that what we as normal human beings do in our lives? blame others for something going wrong? the natural man has a tendency to look everywhere but inside when it comes to facing problems. it is so hard to admit that we are the ones who are at fault. but the kids slowly (some slower than others) realize that whatever they were doing in their lives, whether they feel it was "their fault" or not, wasn't working for them. that in order for them to go home, there needs to be a change. and ben & i are the ones who are supposed to be there to help them see it.

once they have mastered the basic skills, they move up to intermediate skills. that would be something like showing respect even when frustrated, stopping negative behavior, only being asked once, etc. the intermediate skills are tailored to each of the kids' specific needs, whereas the basic skills they all start on the same ones. after that then they move on to advanced skills...independent living skills, doing something without being asked, having a positive attitude throughout the day, being able to cope with disappointing situations, etc.

so i was thinking about that. what are the "basic skills" that i need to have in my life? honesty, obedience, kindness, love (these are just a few). do i have them already down pat? what are the intermediate skills? not being so self-critical, being more optimistic instead of pessimistic, forgiving easier. the advanced ones? stopping negative thoughts as soon as they start, having true charity, being more merciful, truly letting go of worldly things. i know that even if i could really master all of the skills or weaknesses that i know i need to work on, there will always be more. and that is because the only perfect person here on earth has been Jesus Christ. sometimes that feeling can be overwhelming, that we will never be "done" here with trying to perfect ourselves.

this is not an easy life. we are required by our heavenly father to constantly be growing & working & striving & perfecting & trying....and changing. but this is the way to mold us to become more like Jesus Christ & more like our Heavenly Father.

i think there are times in our lives too, where we need others who can point out to us areas where we might need to change. in a loving way, hopefully. and this is where the humility comes in, to be able to listen to what someone is telling us & be able to hear the possibility that they just might be right. i have been in this situation before & it's really difficult, where someone has told me something that i need to change. my first thoughts are always defensive & i'm always justifying my actions. but then as i think more about it...and humble myself...i become open to the "maybe they really are right" thoughts.

i love this quote:
"Remember: the heavens will not be filled with those who never made mistakes but with those who recognized that they were off course and who corrected their ways to get back in the light of the gospel trugh." -Elder Uchtdorf

and then one of my favorite poems:


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both...
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverges in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
-Robert Frost

and lastly, another fantastic quote:

"Each one of us has been given the power to change his or her life. As part of the Lord's great plan of happiness, we have individual agency to make decisions. We can decide to do better and to be better. In some ways all of us need to change; that is, some of us need to be more kind at home, less selfish, better listeners, and more considerate in the way we treat others. Some of us have habits that need to be changed, habits that harm us and others around us. Sometimes we may need a jolt to propel us into changing." -Elder Faust



anyway, that's all. i guess i really am a blabber mouth. :) but i loved elder faust's talk & i believe that usually people speak their most important thoughts before they pass on. if you'd like to, you can read his talk here