of things that matter most-talk

Good afternoon, my name is Lynsey Strader.  Ben and I have been married for almost 8 years.  We met in high school in Utah, where we were just friends until destiny stepped in.  Ben had been home from his mission for over a year and we both were home on a break from college.  I was getting my tonsils removed, and we joke that the reason we started dating is because I was heavily medicated.  I like to tell people that Lortab brought us together.  In fact, I still keep some on hand any time I get frustrated with him.

We moved here from North Phoenix and have been in the ward since September.   We will hopefully be here for the next 3 years while Ben is in school, working on his doctorate degree in Psychology.  We have two children, Caleb who is 5 and Leah who is 1.  Even though we've only been here for a couple of months, we've been extremely grateful to those who have reached out to us in the ward, and the support we've felt from the bishopbric.  

I am speaking today on the talk given by Elder Uchtdorf titled, "Of Things That Matter Most."  I loved reading the thoughts of this wise man and the perspective his words gave me to apply to my own life.

Elder Uchtdorf began his talk by speaking of different elements on earth that tend to slow down during difficult times.   One example he gave was in reference to the way that trees grow and remarked that scientists have discovered that "during seasons when growing conditions are not ideal, trees slow down their growth and devote their energy to the basic elements necessary for survival."

He also commented on experiencing turbulence during a flight on an airplane.  Elder Uchtdorf said that an inexperienced pilot might think the best way to get through turbulence would be to increase the speed of the plane, in hopes of getting through the turbulence quicker.  However an experienced pilot would know that they would need to do the opposite--and that most of the time, in order to efficiently go through turbulence the best option would be to decrease the speed.  

My husband will sometimes say to me that we need to "batten down the hatches."  This is a term that originated from men at sea, closing up the ship when they could see that bad weather was ahead.  I had never thought of it this way, but it really is what we need to do when we are facing trials.

Elder Uchtdorf made these references to apply to our lives.  When we're in the middle of trials, or stressful times, we often continue at the same fast-paced schedule that we keep during more calm times, or sometimes we even increase the pace of our lives during stressful periods.  

He commented that reacting this way and overscheduling our lives can cause unnecessary complications, and can often lead to  "increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning" in our lives.

So how do we avoid making things more difficult on ourselves?

Elder Uchtdorf remarks:  "The wise understand and apply the lessons of tree rings and air turbulence. They resist the temptation to get caught up in the frantic rush of everyday life. They follow the advice “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”¹ In short, they focus on the things that matter most."

He refers to a talk that Elder Oaks had given in a recent conference regarding deciding between what is good, what is better, and what is best.

I love that Elder Uchtdorf referred to this talk, because there have been so many times that these words have come to my mind:  good, better, best.  It has helped me navigate through tough decisions much easier than before.  I have learned to adjust priorities in my life and then base the schedule of my day, weeks and months to how i can utilize my time to work toward always doing what is best.  It is a continued work in progress, I am not perfect.  I am learning, and sometimes the hard way.  Sometimes I make the wrong decision and feel regret that I did not choose what was best, but it's a lesson that I learn from, trying to not make that same mistake again.

Each of us as individuals need to decide for ourselves what we think is best.   But for me, truly learning this lesson has not only made my life run smoother, but my testimony has increased, my connection with my husband and children have increased, and my true self-worth has improved.

How do we know what is best for our lives?

Elder Uchtdorf refers to the "Power of Basics" and says:

"The holy scriptures and the spoken word of the living prophets give emphasis to the fundamental principles and doctrines of the gospel. The reason we return to these foundational principles, to the pure doctrines, is because they are the gateway to truths of profound meaning. They are the door to experiences of sublime importance that would otherwise be beyond our capacity to comprehend. These simple, basic principles are the key to living in harmony with God and man. They are the keys to opening the windows of heaven. They lead us to the peace, joy, and understanding that Heavenly Father has promised to His children who hear and obey Him."

In our last ward, I served in the Primary Presidency and when I first accepted the calling, I thought of how much I could teach the children.  However, they were often who taught me.  When we refer to what I call "the primary answers" to questions, such as reading our scriptures, saying our prayers, attending the temple, going to church, paying our tithing ....these really are the foundation of what holds us steady during difficult times.  I realized as I served those children in our last ward that their immediate faith in blessings that would come because of keeping this idea of "basics" in our gospel were actually true.  

Many times when I have personally struggled I have realized that I can usually trace other things that I had been lacking in my life that fall in the category of the primary answers....the basics.  I also realized that I had filled my time with other things that were not as important as other things I had filled my time with.  So I would re-prioritize, slow down and implement those basics back into my daily routine and even though my trials didn't disappear, my attitude about them and outlook on life in general was lifted, and changed so that I was able to endure my trials a little bit easier.

Elder Uchtdorf also categorizes the basics into 4 things:  our relationship with God, our relationship with our families, our relationship with our fellowman, and our relationship with our selves.  I'm going to speak a little about each one, and talk about our relationship with our Father in Heaven as the last one.

When I think of my little family, I realize that some of my most important memories haven't happened during soccer games or out on playdates or at a music class.  They have happened when we're sitting together and reading books, or just playing outside together, or all participating in a game of hide-and-go-seek.  Sometimes I feel like my days with my children are rushed and full of running from one place to another without a lot of time for conversation.  

One of the things I love the most about Caleb is that he's a talker.  He loves to tell me the newest thing he's learned at school or which dinosaur is bigger than a house or just pretty much any thought that enters his mind.  I realize that on days that are packed full of running around, I don't get to hear those thoughts of his, and I miss them.  And with Leah, she is pretty easy-going and loves to wander around the house most of the day and turn anything into a toy.   The mornings when it is just she and I while Caleb is at school are some of my favorite moments with her.  I get to watch her imagination work and interact with her in ways that I don't get to otherwise.  

My time with my husband is extremely important to me.  Because he goes to school full-time and works part-time, we try to make the time that we do have together valuable.  We turn off the T.V., close up the computers and turn off the phones and just talk.  I've realized that there are very few things more important than my connection with Ben.  I'm grateful that he's my husband and that we still love each other so much after almost 8 years of marriage.

Elder Uchtdorf also refers to establishing a "divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship."  This is something that I think is central to a foundation of a family and will be something that I know our children will look back on as an important part of their childhood.

When referring to our relationship with our fellowman, Elder Uchtdorf says that "we build this relationship one person at a time—by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents."  There are always others besides ourselves going through trials.  I believe that by reaching out to lighten their load, we will also be lightening our own.

As far as having a relationship with our own self, this has been something that I have personally been working on for almost a year now.  Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, telling ourselves that we are inadequate and not good enough.  I know for myself I was doing that without even realizing it most of the time.  I did not take care of my spirit, as a daughter of God.  As I have changed those negative thoughts and counteracted them with positive ones about myself, my outlook on life has changed.  I am kinder to myself, more forgiving of my mistakes and overall just love myself more.  And in place I have found my abilities as a mother, wife and friend change.  I still struggle sometimes but I have realized that by building myself up I can also handle trials with a better, more optimistic attitude.  

For me, the most important relationship to constantly be aware of and do our best to improve is the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father.  I have thought a lot about what I want to teach my children.  And I've thought about what would be good that i could teach them, what would be better, and what would be best. I've asked myself:  if they could learn just one thing from me, what would I want it to be?  What would be the most important thing I would want them to know in their lives, that would help them in any situation?

For a while I thought that it would be to show them & tell them my love for them was unconditional, that I would love them no matter what.  But for the past few weeks I have had this feeling that even though that is a wonderful thing for them to learn from me, I know as they grow older, it will not be enough.  There will come a time when I am no longer on this earth, and will my love for them hold them steady during times when they are struggling?  It might.  But can I be sure?  I really can't.

I have realized that for me, the single most important thing that I can teach my children is that they are children of a loving Father in Heaven and that they are never alone.  Even when they feel most lonely, or sad, or afraid, or despaired.  

When we put all of our faith in people or things, even if it's with good intentions... like loving a child or loving a mother or loving a husband, or in our success, or in our education, or even sometimes in a religion....well, it's like putting all of our faith into a feather that we hold in our hand and let go in the wind.  We don't have control over any of these things.

People are not perfect.  They have their agency.  i remember as a newlywed sometimes i would think to myself "if ben dies before me i have no idea how i'll be able to continue living without him."  well what if ben does die?  or what if he doesn't die, but decides to go through a mid-life crisis and choose a path that leads him away from me?  even though i don't like thinking about it,  it could happen.  it has happened, to men just as amazing as ben.

so if i've put all of my love and all of my faith and my competency as a human being in ben....where will that leave me if he decides to exercise his agency?

life is unstable.  our home could be hit with an earthquake tomorrow morning, wiping out all of our possessions.  or ben could be in an accident that causes permanent brain damage, making the past 2 years of pursuing his education worth nothing.

i think of Job, a faithful man who had almost everything taken from him.  his children were killed, his house was destroyed, and all of his animals were taken.  he was then stricken with boils covering his body.  yet he did not curse god, but instead defended him to others that tried to provoke him.

i have seen many people go through difficult things in life, situations that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  i personally don't believe that God plants trials just to cause us pain, or cause us hurt.  sometimes we are given trials to humble us, or to teach us.  sometimes we suffer trials at the hands of others, who are just exercising their free will and we are simply innocent victims along their path.  but for  me, the why is not the most important thing to worry about.  the why seems to be what people can get caught up in, and it actually can become such a distraction in the big scheme of things.  

i have heard many ask, "why would God put me through this?  why would he want me to suffer this way?"

and the answer for me is very simple:

to bring us closer to him.

whether it's a trial deemed by God or not, it doesn't matter.  a trial is a trial.  and going through it may just be life.  but it's what we do with that trial that counts.  where our hearts turns, where our thoughts turn. 

one of my most favorite scriptures is Helaman 5:12:

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

and this is what it's about for me.  

if i could teach my children one thing, just one.  the best thing.

it would be that God + ME = ENOUGH.

it would be that no matter what, that they are not, and will never be, alone.  no matter how lonely they feel, or how sad, or how angry, or how unloved.  no matter what mistakes they make, or which path they choose.

even though i know how important it is for them to know that their father and mother love them no matter what, it is more important for my children to know that they are loved by a God who will never die, who does not go through mid-life crises, who can't be destroyed by earthquakes or brain damage, or terminal illnesses, or hatred.

the rest of the things in life like going to work every day, to school every day, doing laundry, changing diapers, getting married, making friends....these are all amazing blessings and also simple distractions to what is most important.  but to live in this world, we have to participate in these things.  i just want my children to remember that all of these things are great, but they are also feathers in a wind that is always changing, and never in our control.

the only constant any of us have is our Heavenly Father. 

i feel like....if my children really do come to know this, that the rest of their lives will be spent living in harmony of things that are good.  they will already be kind, hard-working, loving, honest, respectful, humble, God-loving people.  all of those things will fall into place if they truly know and feel deep down in their souls that they are important to the Most Important One.

i think that my role as their mother is also extremely important.  that by me unconditionally loving them, it is a small example of the love that God has for them.  to plant this seed of a foundation of unconditional love in our home will hopefully help them to someday see the bigger picture. 

 

i've gained a new appreciation of my role.  children learn by example, so my new goal is not just for caleb and leah to have this foundation in their lives, but for me to have it in mine.  to live every day with the knowledge that i am also important, and that i know that Heavenly Father loves me as much as he loves them.  to walk around, picking up their laundry and driving them to school, and changing their diapers knowing that there are higher purposes at work.

and that no matter what happens to me, i will not lose faith.  that the feathers i grasp in my hands are just feathers, but that my foundation is built upon my Rock, and my Redeemer.

In closing, Elder Uchtdorf says:

"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace."

I am grateful for the opportunity I had today to speak.  I am grateful for the words of Elder Uchtdorf, who has reminded me again of what is most important in life.  The reminder to slow down during difficult times, go back to the basics of why we are here, and remember that we have a loving Father in Heaven who we can cling to during those trials.  I am grateful to be part of a church that believes in modern day revelation, and forgiveness, and mercy, and family, and personal revelation, and service toward others, and faith, and prayer and I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and for a Father in Heaven who knows me and loves me no matter what.  And I am grateful to know that I am his daughter and have the opportunity to return to live with Him again.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

my last lecture, if i had one.

i've been thinking a lot.

a lot about being a mother.

a lot about being a wife.

a lot about being a human.

about why we're here, walking around, living life.

i mean, what are we doing here?

what's the point of us going to work every day....to school every day....making beds every day....doing laundry every day....loving, hurting, celebrating, living, enjoying, disappointing, dying, enduring?

is there a point?

i believe there's a point.  most readers know that i'm a member of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints.  and as a member of this church we are taught that there are reasons for all of it.  to gain a body, to be tested, to return to a loving Father in Heaven.

i am a big believer in all of this.

before i became a mother of real, live, breathing, screaming, smiling children, i was idealistic and naive.  i dreamed of adorable, chubby infants dressed head to toe in baby GAP clothing.  smelling constantly like baby lotion, cooing and giggling as if that was what they were born to do.

when i actually became a mother, my idealistic views wore off quickly.  oftentimes {more often than not} fear gripped my heart.  i was now responsible for this screaming, not-sleeping, pooping mess?  who in their right mind thought this was a good idea?  not only was i constantly worried about accidentally dropping the child, but also was i feeding them enough?  too much?  was that a temperature i detected?  a runny nose?  are they rolling over on time?  talking late?  talking too soon?  not to mention all of the extra complications that caleb brought with him.

there was so much to worry about.

and yet, i was so absolutely in love.

i also changed, as a human being.  i was pushed to levels i didn't think were possible during my single, idealistic, non-mother days.

so i became a mother for the second time.  and was again molded, formed, pushed, changed.  and my heart grew to let another little person in, with a love that is indescribable.  it's almost a painful type of love.  it's a constant ache, bursting-at-the-seams adoration.

for a while, my goal as their mother was to let them know that my love for them was unconditional.  that they would never have to go through this world wondering if they were loved by me.  that if i could do just that for them...no matter what other mistakes i made as their mother....i would consider my job as their mom a success.

as my kids have grown older i've realized that my fears and worries have adapted.  now i'm more concerned with how they're going to do in school, with peers, will they make good choices?  will they stick up for the underdog?  will they be the underdog?  will they stay strong, even when they are hurt?  what do they worry about?  will they overcome their insecurities?  are they going to know how beautiful and amazing i think they are?

for the past 6 months or so, caleb's favorite song to sing at night is "april come she will" by simon & garfunkel.

the last part of the song has words that, if caleb is extremely tired, make him cry.

August, die she must,
The autumn winds blow chilly and cold;
September I´ll remember.
A love once new has now grown old

when he cries about the song i ask him what's making him sad and he always tells me that the song has made him think of me, and that he never ever wants me to die.  never ever ever.

it's really sweet, and i hug him and tell him that the most important thing to remember is that right now i'm alive and that i love him. and that even when i do die, that i will always be with him.  and that we'll have a chance to see each other again one day.  i tell him that he can say a prayer and ask for comfort in times when he feels lonely, and Heavenly Father will help him to feel peace in his heart.

i was thinking today about those conversations caleb and i have.  sometimes i feel like i'm at a loss for words when he says these things.  i want to reassure him that i won't die....or at least not for like another 60 years....but that may not be true.  so do i calm him down in the moment, so that he can go to sleep untroubled?  or do i tell him the truth in the best way that i know how so that i don't set him up with false hopes?

and that was when it hit me.

the goal of reaching what i deemed "success" as a mother...teaching my children that i love them unconditionally..... was just a small piece of it.

because there undoubtedly will come a day when i die, and if all i teach caleb is that his mother loves him no matter what.....well, what happens when i die?  what will he hold on to then?

when we put all of our faith in people or things, even if it's with good intentions... like loving a child or loving a mother or loving a husband, or in our success, or in our education, or even sometimes in a religion....well, it's like putting all of our faith into a feather that we hold in our hand and let go in the wind.  we don't have control over any of these things.  

people are not perfect.  they have their agency.  i remember as a newlywed sometimes i would think to myself "if ben dies before me i have no idea how i'll be able to continue living without him."  well what if ben does die?  or what if he doesn't die, but decides to go through a mid-life crisis and leave me to marry some 18 year old bimbo?  the odds aren't likely, but it could happen.  it has happened, to men just as amazing as ben.

so if i've put all of my love and all of my faith and my competency as a human being in ben....where will that leave me if he decides to exercise his agency?

life is unstable.  our home could be hit with an earthquake tomorrow morning, wiping out all of our possessions.  or ben could be in an accident that causes permanent brain damage, making the past 2 years of pursuing his education worth nothing.  

last night, for family home evening, i wrote a kid-friendly version of the story of Job.  the man who had everything, and had it all taken from him to test his faith in God.  he lost his children, his home, his animals and wealth.  he had sores covering his body.  {my stick-figured Job with sores all over was pretty funny.}  his friends came to him and told him to denounce God, that God had abandoned him in his time of need.  but he refused, and praised God even through all of his trials.  and finally, Job received all of his blessings back and more for never turning his heart away from his Heavenly Father.

i have heard many people go through difficult things in life, situations that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  i personally don't believe that God plants trials just to cause us pain, or cause us hurt.  sometimes we are given trials to humble us, or to teach us.  sometimes we suffer trials at the hands of others, who are just exercising their free will and we are simply innocent victims along their path.  but for  me, the why is not the most important thing to worry about.  the why seems to be what people can get caught up in, and it actually can become such a distraction in the big scheme of things.  

i have heard many ask, "why would God put me through this?  why would he want me to suffer this way?"

and the answer for me is very simple:

to bring us closer to him.

whether it's a trial deemed by God or not, it doesn't matter.  a trial is a trial is a trial.  and you going through it may just be life.  but it's what you do with that trial that counts.  where your heart turns, where your thoughts turn.

i've thought so much about the post that my friend andrea wrote, and have re-read the scripture she referenced about a dozen times since.

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
Helaman 5:12

and then she wrote:  

God + ME = ENOUGH

and this is what it's about for me.  

if i could teach my children one thing, just one.  

it would be that no matter what, that they are not, and will never be, alone.  no matter how lonely they feel, or how sad, or how angry, or how unloved.  no matter what mistakes they make, or which path they choose.

even though i know how important it is for them to know that their father and mother love them no matter what, it is more important for my children to know that they are loved by a God who will never die, who does not go through mid-life crises, who can't be destroyed by earthquakes or brain damage, or terminal illnesses, or hatred.

the rest of the things in life that i mentioned before.....going to work every day, to school every day, doing laundry, getting your heart broken, changing diapers, getting married, making friends....these are all amazing blessings and also simple distractions to what is most important.  but to live in this world, we have to participate in these things.  i just want my children to remember that all of these things are great, but they are also feathers in a wind that is always changing, and never in our control.

the only constant they have is our Heavenly Father. 

and i feel like....if my children really do come to know this, that the rest of their lives will be spent living in harmony of things that are good.  they will already be kind, hard-working, loving, honest, respectful, humble, God-loving people.  all of those things will fall into place if they truly know and feel deep down in their souls that they are important to the Most Important One.

i think that my role as their mother is also extremely important.  that by me unconditionally loving them, it is a small example of the love that God has for them.  to plant this seed of a foundation of unconditional love in our home will hopefully help them to someday see the bigger picture.  

i've gained a new appreciation of my role.  children learn by example, so my new goal is not just for them to have this foundation in their lives, but for me to have it in mine.  to live every day with the knowledge that i am also important, and that i know that Heavenly Father loves me as much as he loves them.  to walk around, picking up their laundry and driving them to school, and changing their diapers knowing that there are higher purposes at work.

and that no matter what happens to me, i will not lose faith.  that the feathers i grasp in my hands are just feathers, but that my foundation is built upon my Rock.

and that there is a purpose in this life.

finding joy in the journey-talk

Good morning, we are the Strader family. My husband Ben & I have been married for almost 6 years, we have one 3-yr. old little boy, Caleb and we have a little girl on the way who will be born sometime in the beginning of March.

We moved here from NC where we managed a group home for troubled teenagers for one year. It was a very difficult but very rewarding job and it is easy to say that we are grateful it's over. We are now here for the next 4-5 years while Ben is in school for his doctorate in Psychology.

I was asked to speak on President Monson's talk from this past conference titled "Finding Joy in the Journey." I love this talk because it is about being happy in the present and searching for true joy in our every day lives.

President Monson begins the talk with saying, "Nothing is as constant as change." I thought about how sometimes change can be extremely difficult...such as a death in the family. There are also times that change can be extremely easy...such as moving out of a contentious group home in NC to a peaceful apartment in AZ. Ben and I talked about all of the changes we have been through since we have been married. Here is a list of a few of our changes in less than 6 years:

• We've moved 7 times
• Lived in 4 different states
• Owned 5 different cars
• Worked 10 different jobs...between the two of us
• Attended 3 separate universities, between the two of us
• Last year, we went through having 8 children (5 at a time). Only one of them was our natural-born child.

After putting this all down on paper, we were amazed at all the changes we have faced. Ben reminded me that the man giving the talk on change, probably faced the biggest change this year that he has faced in his entire life. President Thomas S. Monson was called to be the prophet and president of our church. If anyone would have the right to be overwhelmed by change, it would be him. However, instead of sounding overwhelmed, President Monson sounds amazingly optimistic and thoughtful,

"This is our one and only chance at mortal life-here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do.
Instead, find joy in the journey-now."

I know for me, last year was extremely difficult. There were SO many times that I had to look to the future in order to make it through the present situation of taking care of teenagers who had the ability to cause the spirit to leave our home just by walking through the door. And there may be times that we do look to the future in order to cope with the present or the past.

But President Monson again helped me to gain a better perspective by saying,

"...there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future."

I realize now that I will never have that year of my life back. I could write a list a mile long of the unpleasant memories from last year, but instead I thought I should talk about a specific experience where I felt true joy even in a difficult situation.

For almost 8 months, we had a 10 year old female client in the group home. You can imagine that being placed out of your home at 10 years old meant you had some severe behavioral challenges. I think because I was the female head of the home, I got the brunt of her outbursts and verbal and emotional attacks. The kids were never forced to go to church but they often accompanied us. This young girl had little experience with religion before coming into our home.

One Sunday during fast & testimony meeting, she told me she wanted to bear her testimony and asked if I would walk up to the podium with her. I agreed and could not believe my ears when she stood up in front of our ward and bore her testimony of Jesus Christ and said how grateful she was to be in our home. My heart melted toward her as I realized that I had spent a lot of time being frustrated with her actions and not enough time trying to look for the positive characteristics I knew she possessed.

I wonder, if my attitude had been better while we lived with those kids, would I have fonder memories of our time there? I already know the answer is yes. Now that I have completed and survived last year, what can I learn from that experience? How can I make my time here in the present, joyful even throughout my trials?

President Monson says, "What is most important almost always involves the people around us."

I began to think about what is most important to me.

The past couple of months since I have been in Arizona, I have focused my energies on enjoying this time with my little, growing family. There has been such a peace and love in our home and I know that with each day that is gone, it is no longer a day in our present, but a day in our past. During my nightly prayers I often ask myself, "How did I spend my day? How many times did I say to Caleb, "just a minute?" Did I tell both Ben & Caleb how much I love them?"

Another quote from President Monson's talk says:

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will-to your surprise-miss them profoundly."

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved....Let us share our love with our friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows."

So what if right now, we are in the middle of trials? How do we find joy in that journey, when things seem bleak and feel hopeless?

President Monson offers the best advice:

Express gratitude for our blessings.

Yes there may be times when that is easier said than done. But even through our darkest hour, we can find something to be grateful for. If our health is suffering, maybe we have insurance to cover the costs of our medical bills. When there is a sudden death of a loved one, maybe we are surrounded by friends and family members in our time of need. Maybe we have a car that has just completely fallen apart and don't know how we will afford to pay for the expense of it getting fixed, but maybe we come home to a loving family and children who are happy to see us.

There are always blessings surrounding us, even when we are facing times that are difficult, we just need to do our best to focus on those.

In his talk, President Monson gave an amazing example of someone who showed gratitude throughout her trials. Her name was Borghild Dahl.

"She was born in in Minnesota in 1890 of Norwegian parents and fromher early years suffered severly impaired vision. She had a tremendous desire to participate in everyday life despite her handicap and, through sheer determination, succeed in nearly everything she undertook. Against the advice of educators, who felt her handicap was too great, she attended college, receiving her bachelor of arts degree from the University of Minnesota. She later studied at Columbia University and the University of Oslo. She eventually became the principal of eight schools in western Minnesota and North Dakota.

She wrote that she had only one eye, and it was so covered with dense scars that she had to do all of her seeing through one small opening in the left of the eye. She could see a book by holding it up close to her face and by straining her one eye as hard as she could to the left.

Miraculously, in 1943-when she was over 50 years old-a revolutionary procedure was developed which finally restored to her much of the sight she had been without for so long. A new and exciting world opened up before her. She took great pleasure in the small things most of us take for granted, such as watching a bird in flight, noticing the light reflected in the bubbles of her dishwater, or observing the phases of the moon each night.

Borghild Dahl, both before and after her sight was restored, was filled with gratitude for her blessings.

In 1982, two years before she died, at the age of 92 her last book was published. Its title: "Happy All My Life." Her attitude of thankfulness enabled her to appreciate her blessings and to live a full and rich life despite her challenges."

President Monson says:
"If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues."

The greatest example of showing gratitude in the midst of trials would be jesus Christ. In his short life he suffered repeated physical, emotional and mental trials. Yet throughout it all he kept an eternal perspective and continually showed gratitude to Heavenly Father.

In fact, the night before he was to be crucified, he gave these words of comfort to his apostles:

John 16:
20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your ^asorrow shall be turned into ^bjoy.

President Gordon B. Hinckley related one of my favorite quotes by Jenkins Lloyd Jones:

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey . . . delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." [Jenkins Lloyd Jones]

President Monson ends his talk with his testimony of Christ and then says:
"Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days-as much as we can-with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and deed."

I want to express my gratitude for all of my blessings. To have a wonderful and loving marriage, and a healthy son. I’m grateful to have a peaceful home. I’m grateful for my extended family and friends. I’m grateful for the trials that I am given to teach me humility and empathy for others. I am mostly grateful for my testimony of this gospel, to know without a doubt that it is the truth. I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and a loving Father in Heaven who is mindful of all of my needs. I pray that we will all be able to find joy in each of our journeys. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

urgency...

i don't know what's been going on with me lately but i've been feeling this strange sense of urgency. about what? do you really want to know? there is a side of me that most people see. the easy-going side, the funny side, the tired side, the sweet side, the procrastinator side. the short side. okay, everyone sees that side. but then there is a side of me that only a few people see. i don't know that i would consider it my "dark" side but definitely a deeper side. it is the over-thinking, over-worrying, over-stressing side.

and this urgency that i've been feeling, i question whether it is promptings from the Spirit, or just my crazy, tucked down, kept-in-the-vault side of me that is pushing to the surface.

let me explain.

for the past several months, pre-rice & wheat shortage (or knowledge of it anyway), i have felt the urgency to really get this food storage thing set up. i know i know, for YEARS we have been told by the general authorities to get our year's supply. and for most of those years i can come up with a valid excuse as to why i put it off. that doesn't make it right i know. but lately whenever it's brought up in church or by a family member, i feel this little ...tug, for lack of a better word. just this thought that goes through my mind "we REALLY need to get going on that." and the thought never leaves, it just sits in the back of my mind & comes out every now & then.

there have also been a couple of people close to me...and ones i consider very spiritually "in tune" people...who have talked to me about dreams they have had & the urgency they felt to get food storage in order. it impressed them enough to want to share it with me.

i watched "the kite runner" tonight, a beautiful & sad movie about a man who is trying to find redemption for past mistakes. the book is better (of course) but also more graphic when it comes to a couple of very difficult scenes. after the movie, i walked upstairs to take a shower & instead of thinking about the true moral of the movie, i started to think about the history of afghanistan. in the movie it spans over around a 20 year time frame & in that time the country is turned upside down. and that is what i started thinking, as i stared at my face in the mirror. all of these questions entered my mind.

will there come a day when i can't remember the last time i looked in the mirror because i no longer owned one?

will there come a day when i don't even care that i don't own a mirror because the last thing i care about is how i look?

as i was in the shower, i watched the hot water stream down and thought,

will there come a time when i can't remember the last time i took a shower?

will i ever feel regret for being so wasteful with my water supply?

as i peek in on my beautiful little boy sleeping safely in his bed my mind really takes off & the questions start to make me feel completely unsettled.

will there come a day when i cannot feed my crying, starving child?

there are a few movies that have touched me deeply. i can remember a couple of them right now. hotel rwanda & schindler's list. i remember watching schindler's list on t.v. & feeling my heart shatter into a million pieces as the ending came & this man, who had sacrificed so much to save so many, pulled out a pen from his coat & sobbed as he asked out loud how many more people he could have saved with it.

will there come a day for me, when i look at how much money i have spent on worldly, unnecessary things & wish for those days again so i could have made better choices? you think of 20 years passing & our country being turned upside down. i would be 47 & my little boy would be 22.

there are books that stay with me. "the hiding place" comes to my mind. again i am terrified at just how quickly the schemes of one evil & deranged man can affect so many in such a short period. the holocaust is a frightening & horrific time to just try to comprehend, i can't even begin to imagine what it was like to actually experience.

we read these books & watch these movies & hope that history will not...cannot, repeat itself. but we know deep down that it can. because it has so many times. it happens more times than i can count in the book of mormon, in the bible.

we are promised that if we are prepared then we shall not fear. and so that is what we will do. prepare. ben & i are planning on taking that check from the government that we are supposed to get & put it into food storage. it's intimidating to think of how much it will cost, how much space it will take up, how big of a project it will be, how it will probably be a huge pain to move. but i'm hoping that when it is done, that little voice in my head that keeps whispering urgently to me will be at peace.

if any of you who are reading feel this is something you need to get going on too, here is the link to "provident living" where you can order & have it shipped directly to your home. what is easier than that?? there is a starter kit with recipes and everything for $25.95.

and to leave this with some hope instead of just fear & worry, here are some passages from President Hinckley's talk, "If Ye Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear"

"Man’s inhumanity to man expressed in past and present conflict has and continues to bring unspeakable suffering."

What we have experienced in the past was all foretold, and the end is not yet. Just as there have been calamities in the past, we expect more in the future. What do we do?

Someone has said it was not raining when Noah built the ark. But he built it, and the rains came.

The Lord has said, “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30).
We have built grain storage and storehouses and stocked them with the necessities of life in the event of a disaster. But the best storehouse is the family storeroom. In words of revelation the Lord has said, “Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing” (D&C 109:8).

Our people for three-quarters of a century have been counseled and encouraged to make such preparation as will assure survival should a calamity come.

We can set aside some water, basic food, medicine, and clothing to keep us warm. We ought to have a little money laid aside in case of a rainy day.

Now what I have said should not occasion a run on the grocery store or anything of that kind. I am saying nothing that has not been said for a very long time.

I have faith, my dear brethren, that the Lord will bless us, and watch over us, and assist us if we walk in obedience to His light, His gospel, and His commandments. He is our Father and our God, and we are His children, and we must be in every way deserving of His love and concern. That we may do so is my humble prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

my talk on testimonies

Good morning, we are the Strader family. We moved here from Utah, both of our families from the Fruit Heights/Kaysville area. We went to high school together and were friends but nothing more than that…although I’m pretty sure Ben would have liked to be. I played hard to get until a little over 5 years ago when I said “yes” to Ben’s proposal to spend the rest of our lives together. I am still convinced it is the best decision I have made in my life so far. We are now managing the residential treatment facility, a.k.a., the “group home.” For those of you who don’t know what that is, we live with 4 teenagers who are….spirited. They live in our home & we help them through rough times by teaching them the skills they need in order to hopefully go back home to live with their families & to be successful in life. I would like to talk about some things I have learned since I have been working in this job:

• That being on a first-name basis with the Durham County police officers is a good thing
• Many creative uses for brooms, bamboo sticks, crutches, & lacrosse sticks
• How to convince a determined teenager running down the street at break-neck speed to “just get into the van & come home”
• How to explain that it may not be the most “appropriate” thing to ask Elder Bednar for his autograph at church
• That the tantrums of a 2 year old are a whole lot easier than the tantrums of an angry teenager
• That hearing the words “I’m sorry” or “I miss you guys” can be one of the most rewarding things in the world
• The true meaning of “unconditional love”
• How to acquire the ability to see these kids as our Heavenly Father sees them
• That the common term “strengthening my testimony” can come in unexpectedly difficult ways
• Most importantly, I have learned, yet again, that I have a testimony that Heavenly Father loves me, is guiding me, & knows what I am going through.


We were asked to speak on “testimonies” & specifically to read the conference talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks from this last conference session. As I read it, my mind continued to reflect back on this past year & to think about experiences that have helped my testimony to grow. I’d like to share one of those personal experiences:

Back in January, after a really rough few days at the home, I turned to Ben and asked him, “Now remind me why we’re here again?” I told him I needed a pep talk to get me through the last 6 months because I felt I really couldn’t make it through another day. Ben & I talked for a few minutes but I still wasn’t convinced that I shouldn’t start booking plane tickets back to Utah. We knelt down to say our nightly prayer as a couple, and as Ben began to pray, it was like someone had pushed the “mute” button on his voice. Suddenly words from my patriarchal blessing began filling my head. The words “you will have countless opportunities to teach the youth,” “you will be an example to the youth, “ and “you will have an affect on the youth inside and outside of the church” entered my mind. I felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that at that very moment, in my life, I was fulfilling part of my mission here on earth. It was one of the most overwhelming feelings I have ever felt. I began to cry because I knew that Heavenly Father had listens to my prayers, knows who I am and loves me.

When Ben finished praying, he could see that I was crying and immediately asked, “What did I say wrong??” I answered him, “I got my pep talk, but it wasn’t from you. Here’s to the next 6 months!”

This experience again solidified my testimony that God knows me as an individual & that he is a living Heavenly Father who loves me. When I told my co-worker that we were speaking on “testimonies” she asked me what the word meant. So what is a testimony? The best way I know how to describe it is “a spiritual truth that you learn through God.” As I was struggling in this job to keep my head above water, I received an answer to my prayers through the Holy Ghost who manifested to my mind & heart that my Heavenly Father is mindful of me. It was just thoughts that entered my mind, but because I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost at the same time, it changed from being “just thoughts” to a “testimony” as I was revealed a spiritual truth.

Elder Oaks refers to a “worldly” truth as “scientific proof” like when you are able to test cold temperature outside. But when it comes to spiritual truths, the Apostle Paul said, “The things of God knoweth no man, but by the Spirit of God.” This just answered part of the question, “How do I gain a testimony?” It is by the Spirit of God and by the Holy Ghost telling us in our minds and hearts what is true. Just like we are told in Moroni’s promise, “God will manifest the truth of all things unto us by the power of the Holy Ghost.” But that is only the first part of gaining a testimony.

Elder Oaks stated that, “…acquiring a testimony is not a passive thing but a process in which we are expected to do something.” To gain a testimony it requires first the desire to have the spiritual knowledge, then the action. That is when prayer, scripture study, fasting, church attendance & temple attendance come in. In the middle of a trial, if we choose to stop being obedient, how do we expect to be able to hear the Holy Ghost? When I was struggling, if I hadn’t been following the commandments, would I have still felt the Holy Ghost testify to me? And if I hadn’t had that moment of spiritual thoughts & testimony building, would I have just given up on this job? It makes me wonder and also tells me that in order to gain a testimony we need to be obedient to living a life that is in correspondence to how our Heavenly Father wants us to live. Then it requires prayer & study.

So what do we do once we have gained that testimony? Sit quiet & hope that people will know what we believe just by looking at us? It’s true that being an example is a very big part of sharing our testimonies with others who are not of our faith. In our job we know that these kids in our homes may not ever remember what we told them or taught them. But we pray that at the end of it all, they will remember what we stood for, the type of people we were, & how we treated them. And if I can give them a glimpse of how much I know that Heavenly Father loves me & that he loves them just as much then that would be the more important than anything else that I can teach them…even more important than teaching them not to scream curse words at me in public. But just being an example is not enough anymore.

Elder Oaks clearly stated, “that those who have a testimony of the restored gospel also have a duty to share it.”

One of my favorite parts of Elder Oaks’ talk was when he said,

“There has never been a greater need for us to profess our faith, privately and publicly. Though some profess atheism, there are many who are open to additional truths about God. To these sincere seekers, we need to affirm the existence of God the Eternal Father, the divine mission of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the reality of the Restoration. We must be valiant in our testimony of Jesus. Each of us has many opportunities to proclaim our spiritual convictions to friends and neighbors, to fellow workers, and to casual acquaintances.”

This is why I have shared such a personal experience with you, a room full of people who just might be searching for the same answers that I was that night. There might be someone here today who has been struggling & praying to know that we have a mindful father in heaven who loves you just as much as he loves me. I know that he knows who we are as individuals & is with us & has been with us every step of the way during our lives. I pray that as I am saying these words the Holy Ghost is testifying this truth to you as he did to me a few months ago.

As I close my talk about testimonies, I will continue to share my own. I know that my life has been blessed by being here these past 9 months. I know that I have been pushed harder emotionally, challenged more mentally and blessed more spiritually. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he saw and spoke to Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ in the grove. I have prayed and gained my own testimony of his experience. I also have prayed for a knowledge of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I know that it is another testament of Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus is my Savior, that he died on the cross & that he was resurrected. I know that through his atonement I can one day return to see my Heavenly Father again. I am grateful for this ward & its leaders, for my family & for all of my blessings. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

ps--here is elder oak's full talk

the power to change.

The power to change is very real, and it is a great spiritual gift from God.



today's lesson relief society was on the talk elder faust had been preparing for the october conference before he passed away. as i read the words of this humble man i tried to close my eyes & picture hearing his voice speak them. i loved some of the thoughts of other sisters who added a different perspective of the lesson.

we spoke mostly about humility, that that is what is the first step to change. and i thought about how in this life, we are sometimes afraid of change. we are afraid of the unknown, of the trials change could bring, of getting out of our comfort zone.

while working with the kids here at the group home, almost every single one of them has said, "STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!" they get very defiant in the beginning of their treatment here. they say that the skills we work on with them are "dumb" or that they don't "need" them. but we let them know that the way to show us you don't "need them" is by showing us you know how to "use" them. (the skills we start with, BTW, are following directions, accepting consequences, accepting a "no" answer and disagreeing appropriately). obviously these kids have ended up here in our home for a reason. most of the time, they feel they are there because of someone else's problem. and isn't that what we as normal human beings do in our lives? blame others for something going wrong? the natural man has a tendency to look everywhere but inside when it comes to facing problems. it is so hard to admit that we are the ones who are at fault. but the kids slowly (some slower than others) realize that whatever they were doing in their lives, whether they feel it was "their fault" or not, wasn't working for them. that in order for them to go home, there needs to be a change. and ben & i are the ones who are supposed to be there to help them see it.

once they have mastered the basic skills, they move up to intermediate skills. that would be something like showing respect even when frustrated, stopping negative behavior, only being asked once, etc. the intermediate skills are tailored to each of the kids' specific needs, whereas the basic skills they all start on the same ones. after that then they move on to advanced skills...independent living skills, doing something without being asked, having a positive attitude throughout the day, being able to cope with disappointing situations, etc.

so i was thinking about that. what are the "basic skills" that i need to have in my life? honesty, obedience, kindness, love (these are just a few). do i have them already down pat? what are the intermediate skills? not being so self-critical, being more optimistic instead of pessimistic, forgiving easier. the advanced ones? stopping negative thoughts as soon as they start, having true charity, being more merciful, truly letting go of worldly things. i know that even if i could really master all of the skills or weaknesses that i know i need to work on, there will always be more. and that is because the only perfect person here on earth has been Jesus Christ. sometimes that feeling can be overwhelming, that we will never be "done" here with trying to perfect ourselves.

this is not an easy life. we are required by our heavenly father to constantly be growing & working & striving & perfecting & trying....and changing. but this is the way to mold us to become more like Jesus Christ & more like our Heavenly Father.

i think there are times in our lives too, where we need others who can point out to us areas where we might need to change. in a loving way, hopefully. and this is where the humility comes in, to be able to listen to what someone is telling us & be able to hear the possibility that they just might be right. i have been in this situation before & it's really difficult, where someone has told me something that i need to change. my first thoughts are always defensive & i'm always justifying my actions. but then as i think more about it...and humble myself...i become open to the "maybe they really are right" thoughts.

i love this quote:
"Remember: the heavens will not be filled with those who never made mistakes but with those who recognized that they were off course and who corrected their ways to get back in the light of the gospel trugh." -Elder Uchtdorf

and then one of my favorite poems:


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both...
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverges in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
-Robert Frost

and lastly, another fantastic quote:

"Each one of us has been given the power to change his or her life. As part of the Lord's great plan of happiness, we have individual agency to make decisions. We can decide to do better and to be better. In some ways all of us need to change; that is, some of us need to be more kind at home, less selfish, better listeners, and more considerate in the way we treat others. Some of us have habits that need to be changed, habits that harm us and others around us. Sometimes we may need a jolt to propel us into changing." -Elder Faust



anyway, that's all. i guess i really am a blabber mouth. :) but i loved elder faust's talk & i believe that usually people speak their most important thoughts before they pass on. if you'd like to, you can read his talk here